Pastor's Wife Syndrome

Pastors' Wives often seem to have a stigma about them...you know, the piano playing, smiling, cheery lady who sits on the front row. She always seem to have the perfect attitude in worship and I am quite confident that she rises each morning with the perfect heart attitude. She must be the perfect mom because her children are perfect. You would almost think that she spends her whole day quoting Scripture and that she could not possibly ever have negative thoughts.

Hmmm... somewhere along the way I missed those lessons. God has taught me much lately. I can only play the piano with one hand (and not well even then), I can only wish that I was always smiling and although I sit near the front of the church, I often wonder who is boring holes in the back of my head with their eyes. My attitude of worship is a conscious decision just as it is for all and I have learned that until I have downed a cup of java and had my quiet time, my night owl personality doesn't always lend to me waking up with the perfect heart attitude. I know that I am not the perfect mom and I can assure you that although precious to me, my children are far from perfect. Trying to convince someone that I spend my entire day quoting Bible verses seems futile and, without the grace of the Almighty, I am sure that I would have enough negative thoughts for you and me alike.

So, where does this leave me? I have to think that it leaves me right where the Lord can use me. Obviously, it cannot be in my own strength that I accomplish anything that would be God-honoring. Once again, it seems to consistently come back to the God-confidence that I must have to survive even one day.

This morning was the first time in quite a while that I was able to just become part of the congregation for even one of the songs. As I stood and sang From the Inside Out, I was reminded that God doesn't see the "Pastor's Wife." He sees my heart. I cannot hide it from Him. I cannot put on a smile and expect Him to believe me. I must have my heart in the right place for worship. I must be willing to turn my life inside out each day, each moment in order to be glorifying to Him.

"But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." ~ 1 Samuel 17:7

From the Inside Out~ Hillsong

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out